Yesterday

by Captain Perry Wrinkle

I had a dream last night. It was about my grandfather and my childhood days. It got me to thinking of how times have changed since then. When I was about six or seven, I worked for Gramp. I would go to the hen house every morning and pick up the eggs, then take down a bucket of grain and a bucket of water for the hens. He would give me a nickel. That nickel would nearly burn a hole in my pocket during the day at school cause on the way home I would stop at the store and buy a bottle of “pop.”

My favorite was Nesbitts orange. I remember when they came out with the deposit on the bottles and the price went from five cents a bottle to six cents. I was crushed. I asked Gramp for a raise in pay but he explained that there was no need. “Just sit around the store and drink your pop, then get your penny back for the bottle” he said. That worked ok for awhile but gramp forgot about penny candy. For six cents I could have a soda and a squirrel nut candy. I really needed a raise in pay.

Gramp and Gram always went to visit the relatives on Sunday and they usually took me along. Gram insisted that Gramp “dress up” and I even had to change and comb my hair. I would go outside to play while Gram was baking off a batch of biscuits or doughnuts to take along. Gramp had a favorite saying, “Allbershit.” He would always say to me, “Don’t go out there and get allbershit before we go!”

I decided that Sunday was a good time to ask again about a raise. I asked and he replied, “What do you think, that I’m made of money?” Gramp was pretty close with a buck. I said I would do more work. He thought a few minutes and he finally said “OK. There is an apple tree in the corner of the pig pen. Most of the apples fall in the pen where the pigs can get them but some of them fall outside on the ground. If you go down there and pick up the ones on the ground and throw them into the pigs, I will pay you a penny a day till the apples are gone. Then you will get your six cents a day for tending the hens.”

That sounded like a good deal to me so I headed for the pigpen. I looked it over and I noticed that the two limbs stretching over the pig pen had the most apples but they were not very ripe. It looked like I would be on apple tree watch for quite a while, I thought it over for a few minutes and I decided on a way to speed up the process. I climbed up the tree and out on one of the limbs and started jumping up and down. It rained apples and I was congratulating myself on my genius when that limb broke and down I went into the pig pen. I panicked around in that mud for a minute or two, thinking the pigs might eat me. I finally climbed over the fence and headed for the house. When I went through the door Gramp took one look at me and started laughing. He asked “What happened to you?” I looked right at him and I replied,” The damn limb broke and I fell arse over tea kettle into the damn pig pen and I’m really allbershit and I quit this damn job and I’m going home.” And with that I went through the door and headed for home.

I was just getting out of the bath tub when I heard Gramp drive in. I got dressed and came out into the kitchen. He was still laughing and telling my mother he never knew I could swear like that. He looked at me and said “If you want your job back I will give you 10 cents a day!” I said “OK, but no more pig pen.” He agreed and off we went to visit the relatives. It was a hard way to get a raise but at least I got a good one.

Capt. Perry Wrinkle