Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People



Dear Captain Mark,
I have an old friend whom I've been fly fishing with for many years.(both in our later eighties). Over the years we’ve fished a lot of great rivers and streams including last year Bonefishing in the Bahamas where we both at seperate times fell out of the boats. Both of us being fly tiers we always have shared fly patterns, especially the hot ones. This year my friend caught on to a particularly hot one from his guide in the Bahamas and refuses to show it to me. Nothing I say makes a difference. I'm really angry and hurt. We don’t have many years left and I hate to end a friendship in a bad way. At my age am I taking this too hard?
Signed, Befuddled Fly Man

Dear Befuddled Fly Man,
My heart goes out to you. True friends are truly hard to find in this day and age and must be nourished and protected. And, I do know that patterns can be quite a private secret. In you and your friends case, where you've always shared, it's rather odd to not do so now.
But really, all things considered, what is this pattern really worth to your friendship. The next time you catch a lunker and he asks what fly you used be a little hesitant. Tell him that ...” In spite of your Bahamas Fly secret, I used a....” I’ll bet he comes around.
Signed, Cap’n Mark

Dear Cap'n Mark East,
We are an older and well established sportsman’s club in the deep south and we have a delicate problem. Our treasurer of many years and a good friend of us all has been tapping the till for we don’t know how long. He's surely not poor. Not only that, his wife has a terminal illness and his hunting dog just died. How would you proceed with something so tragic as this situation.
Signed, Perplexed and Concerned

Dear Perplexed and Concerned,
You have a tough situation on your hands. Sounds like your treasurer may have a deeper psychological problem than meets the eye. Even though there’s nothing worse than a thief, especially one who would steal from friends, he's got to go. Perhaps you could take him duck hunting and somehow switch his shells to blanks. After he flails away at the birds and you’ve got your limit and his, subtly mention that this was his last hunt. He’ll get the picture.
Signed, Cap’n Mark

Write: capmarke@gmail.com