Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People



Dear Capt. Mark,
My wife of 27 years has always loved to fish, especially deep sea. Probably even more than me. She gets every publication and dreamed of owning a sportfishing boat. When she inherited a lot of money from a widowed aunt she bought “us” a used “Bertram 35” with twin diesels. I’ve now become the “Captain,” first mate and deckhand. I never get a chance to fish any more. Cap’n Mark, what can I do?
Signed, Rod Starved

Dear Rod Starved,
Son, you are in a pickle. If you can’t get your wife to take the wheel occasionally you may have to give up your triple positions. Sounds like she might have money to hire captain and crew. Perhaps you should buy a skiff or take up golf.
Capt. Mark East

Dear Capt. Mark,
I like the way you help people from your experiences. For some reason my husband has gone from being a sharp dresser to always wearing camouflage. He even wants me to wear it. He bought me a sheer camo negligee. Now he wants a camo SUV. I’M SO SICK OF CAMO I COULD SCREAM. He doesn’t even go hunting. Can you Help me!
Signed, Camo Nuts

Dear Camo Nuts,
I’d say your hubby has become a tree hugger and wants to hide. Have his eating habits changed to vegetarian? What you might try is going to the butcher shop and getting some blood. Stain all his camo clothing including the negligee. Give him the idea camo is just for hunters and wildlife photographers.
Good luck
Capt. Mark East

Write: capmarke@gmail.com