Down East Thicker Fog

by Captain Perry Wrinkle

Now everyone knows what fog is, and most know that fog restricts visibility. Thicker fog is more than that – it tends to reflect light and make you even blinder. The term “thicker fog” seems to be a more Down East phrase. I asked what it means at a town meeting once and I got at least 10 different answers in as many seconds. Thicker’n mud, thicker’n tar, thicker’n shit, were some of the comebacks. All certainly had merit. I’m writing this morning due to the fog. The old woman and I want to go haul our traps, but I can’t see the truck in the driveway. As a boy I always had an uncanny sense of direction. I could go on the water in the fog or through the woods in the snow and always knew pretty much where I was. Sometimes I got confused for a day or two but I always found my way back.

It’s said that years ago two men left the town dock in a rowboat. They were gone for two days and when the fog cleared they were still right there in the harbor. Another fellow in a sailboat found himself to be fourteen miles up an unnavigable river when the fog cleared. They figured he just rode up there suspended by the fog. They had to saw the boat up in pieces to get it home.

What really amazes me is that now, with double vision glasses, a lobster buoy in thicker fog looks as big as a submarine, but you can never see the one you get in your propeller. I think that thicker fog is what causes all those mysteries in the Bermuda Triangle. I know that my compass seems to go in circles in the fog, but never does it when it is clear. This convinces me that there are some strange forces in action. Many mysterious things happen in thicker fog. A friend of mine left a party one night and he was having a hard time staying on the road. He said that he couldn’t even see the yellow line. He said he stopped to relieve himself and left the car door open so he would not lose it. When he got home and opened the door to get out, he said a seagull flew out by him. I think this could be a careless handling of the truth for two reasons. I don’t remember there being any fog on this night in question, and reason number two is that all the seagulls are grounded in thicker fog.

One time, during an exceptional long spell of fog we had a traveling preacher who disappeared and was never heard from again. Shortly after that the fog scooped up one of the young women from his congregation and she never came back either.

We elected a governor a few years ago that said he was going to do something about this thicker fog. Those who voted for him say he is still working on it and he should get it cleaned up by the time a president gets the national health care that they’ve regularly promised. Some of us that didn’t vote for either one think they may have lied.

Last week the fog was so thick that poor old grandfather got his vitamin pills mixed up with his Viagra and it physicked him. For the next three days he didn’t know if he was coming or going. He said he had a stiff neck for a week after that.

It’s certainly been one of those thicker fog summers. Keep in touch with yourself and good fishing.