Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Captain East,
I hope you can help (us). I am completely beside myself with anxiety. My husband recently made a lot of money and I mean a lot. He’s always been a brain-type with no physical skills to speak of except golf, and he’s goofy at that. Now one of his friends has convinced him he should buy this big boat for us to go cruising and live on part time. Says he’s going to learn how to run it and I’m scared to death. I’ll never go on it as long as I live. Can you tell me what to do.
Signed, Ocean Petrified

Dear Ocean Petrified,
I’m convinced a number of men must have read seagoing books at a young age like “Before the Mast” and others and have carried this spirit of adventure into their later years. There’s really not much to worry about with the big boats. One of my old “Big Boat” compatriots has a saying, “If a lighted candle blows out on the bow, it’s too breezy to leave the dock.” Try it, you might enjoy it. And besides, with an experienced crew it really is a “luxury.”

Dear Mr. Easterly,
I have developed a close association with one of the bachelor widowers in our complex. We both lost our spouses a few years ago. He likes to dance and so do I. However, he’s made it known that he will never re-marry unless his next likes to fish. Even more he would like her to be a FLY FISHERMAN. We live in Florida and I really like this guy, but I’m not going out in those swamps and fish for Bass or whatever dumb fish are out there. Any suggestions?
Signed, Yearning Widow

Dear Yearning Widow,
Find a good cooking class that specializes in preparing fish and hint that you might like to learn fishing–you can always put this off–but have him bring some of these fish to you and prepare a bang-up meal with all the fixings. You know as well as I do the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Encourage his fishing. You wouldn’t want him around the house all the time anyway.

Write: capmarke@gmail.com