Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Captain Mark East,
My husband and I got married two years ago in August. We hadn’t gone together very long, having just met in March. I love him dearly, but there were a few things he didn’t really explain to me like this mania for hunting and fishing. He wakes me up early to go fishing and he wakes me up even earlier to go hunting. And often he comes home late at night. I never knew how many variations there are on both. He’s going to drive me crazy.
Signed, Sleep Deprived

Dear Sleep Deprived,
Guess you should have dated longer. Surprised he didn’t offer to take you fishing at least. After we’d been married awhile, my first wife tried fishing and came to enjoy it, especially after hooking...to my chagrin...a trophy Salmon. Then I took her to a shooting range and she became a better shot than myself. She never really enjoyed hunting except for grouse. But we finally had a great understanding and then when the children came along it was even better.

Dear Mister Mark,
I have a real problem and I hope you can help. I’ve enjoyed hunting for deer since my father took me out on a beautiful fall hunt and I shot my first deer, a 6-point buck which he had mounted for me. Since then I’ve bagged some major pointers and have them mounted in our house. My wife says, “No More,” and I know I’ll want to hang more. What should I do? I don’t want to get a divorce.
Signed Major Mount Hanger

Dear Major Mount Hanger,
Do your wife and yourself a favor. Build a garage or shed and hang most of them there. Keep three of the best for the house. Divorces are horrible. Take it from one who knows.