April Liners
by Lee S. Wilbur
It’s April in Maine and I don’t know what that means in other parts of the universe, but in Maine that means at least one, more or less, snow dump, a few more coldish nights with some extra cold days thrown in for attention getters. Otherwise it’s known to us as mud season. Strangely enough, Florida red-necks would love it. In fact, they have a get together out in the swamp where if it’s been a dry winter they make mud for an event called the “Red Neck Yacht Club.” Seemingly sane individuals jump in to mud ponds—these are not your everyday muddy ponds these are ponds of mud. These same individuals who have spent thousands of monies in custom-built high-lift trucks will tie a hawser from one trailer hitch to another and with mud and sand a’spewin try to out tow the other at full speed. It’s quite a scene with a bit of mud wrestlin’ thrown in for good measure. Custom Mechanics love it.
Now in Maine we know better. We kind of hunker down on the couch in front of the TV over the weekend, maybe take a trip to Portland, bake some cookies, or go out for dinner. Anything to make time go by a little faster. We know better than to work outside or bring in a load of logs for next winter cause we’ll be stuck up to the axles and we can’t afford to be spending money on a broken axle let alone a custom-built high-lift 4x4. Stoicism is a valued and nurtured trait amongst Mainers, but it’s a chore during April. What we really need is a good joke or a one-liner to break up the down-time monotony. I’ve collected a few over the years and if you don’t mind, I’d be happy to share a few with you.
“Crossmosis” – as in how did that liquor get from the bottle to your glass.
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“Friends are like Slinkys, they smile when they fall downstairs.”
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“She had flounder eyes, Mullet lips, and the body of a Moray EEL.” Perhaps only a Floridian would appreciate that one.
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He lay there in his cot, young feller, a newcomer, first time in hunting camp, wide awake, listening to the snoring and wondering if there really is a God.
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Last “Breakfast Menu” at Riley Brook bird hunting: Creton (French version of head cheese), pancakes, beans, bacon, fried tomatoes, fried eggs, toast, tea, coffee and active enzymes for those with an allergy to heartburn.
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“She could talk a starving dog off a meat wagon.”
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Old friend of my uncle’s comes to Florida and goes to the grocery store. Comes out, lifts the back door of the station wagon. Putting the bags in, he notices some tools and wonders when he’d put those in. Goes around, gets in the drivers seat, looks at dash. Can’t recall all those buttons. Looks over at his wife. Not his. She’s looking straight forward. Looks to his left. Wife’s sitting in their car watching the scene play out.
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There have been few comedians in this country of ours with the combined insight and wit of Will Rogers who has remained as relevant today as his heyday.
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“A president only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell em’ what they will do.”
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“Washington, D.C., has an underground tunnel running from the government offices to the capitol. That’s so when senators and congressmen receive their checks every month, they can get to their homes without someone arresting them for robbery.”
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“The Senate filibustered. We pay for wisdom and get wind.”
Playing around in the kitchen last week and last minute crisis of what to have for dinner, came up with this combo, which turned out to be a solid keeper, both for taste and ease of prep.
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4 boned and skinned chicken thighs
2 medium carrots, quartered and quartered again
1 leek, white only, ¼" slices, cleaned well
1/3 cup sliced baby bella mushrooms
1/3 cup white wine
1 stalk celery, quartered
In a medium size, covered casserole dish, put in wine, then chicken. Cover with vegetables. Cover, then cook on high at 425 degrees for 35 mins, then 45 mins at 350. Check for done. Salt and pepper at your own risk. This is for 2 servings, double everything but the wine for 4.