Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn
and Other Outdoor People



Cap’n Mark,
My husband and I live in a northern paradise for six months and in a southern paradise for the other six months of the year. All he wants to do however, is fish and hunt. We’re retired and he doesn’t want to do anything with me since we retired.
Signed,
Alone in Paradise

Dear Alone in Paradise,
I've heard many stories like yours where retirement becomes the last and lonely chapter. He’s dreamed all his working years of hanging up the traces and walking the game trails and you'd like a little recognition for your contribution. Try fighting “fire with fire”. Take a flyfishing course. Get good at it. Tell him you’re buying a boat, motor and pickup truck and you won't have time to cook for him anymore. And probably will need to hire a cleaning service to take care of the house and do the laundry. I think he'll get the point.

Dear Mr. Mark,
I’m 72 years old and live in upper New York state. I’ve always wanted to meet a nice guy from Maine who works in the woods, owns a small log cabin and is looking for a good woman to take care of him. How do I find a man like this?
Signed,
Lust In The Woods

Dear Lust In The Woods,
Twenty years ago this would have been an easy assignment. You could have gone to Greenville, Maine, to The Boom Chain Restaurant and bar on a Friday night and found just about any type you’d want. Sadly, they’re closed. Internet dating is of no use. I’d suggest going to some of the border crossings and leave your picture and request posted on the bulletin boards. Also find some of the manned gates into the “North Main Woods” paper company lands and do the same. You might even get addresses and send the same. A lot of times the gates are attended by women and they might know someone. Good luck

Write: capmarke@gmail.com