The Little Things In Life

by Captain Perry Wrinkle

Now the purchase of small things like one of these newfangled coffee makers shouldn’t be much cause for concern. Oh, but they are. I bought one about a week ago. It was all boxed up and the price was right, so I grabbed it right up. I got it out of the box as soon as I got home and tried to fire it up for a fresh cup of coffee. I think the damn thing was designed by a left-handed orangutan. I almost wrecked it just getting the basket open to put in the filter and coffee. I then filled it with water. Now, there is a little channel on the side that tells how many cups of water you are putting in, but, I like coffee and I’m in the habit of filling her up. I filled that dandy to the top and snapped her on. About that time the water started running down over the cupboard. I wanted to take the hammer to her right then, but I shut it off and took a look to see where the water came from. Lo and behold, they had bored a hole in the back of that thing. I guess it was some kind of overflow or something. If I hadn’t picked it up myself, I would have sworn that the old woman had it built special for me. It finally started to perk and pump. The damn thing cracked and snapped and belched, and steam started coming out everywhere. It soon fogged up the kitchen window. The coffee rose slowly in the carafe. It seemed like half an hour and she was still a belching and snapping, and it was getting more frenzied by the minute. I finally snatched the pot out and poured a cup. It said on the box that you could do that, but it didn’t say anything about getting the pot back under. I panicked and shut her down. You know what they say, “When all else fails, read the instructions.” Well, these were there all right, but they were in some foreign language. I tried the coffee and it tasted like something the editor of this paper might cook up. I finally found out how to get the pot in and out of the cussed thing, but that didn’t improve the coffee any. I put up with it for about a week and then, on a nice quiet Sunday morning I took it for a walk out behind the house. I sat it down on a nice big stump and I shot that damn thing with my shotgun. I now have one just like the old one. I don’t have all of that aggravation every morning and it makes for a better start to the day.

The moral of this story is that in today’s world you had better take stuff out of the box before you buy it. If they keep improving this junk, it will take a rocket scientist to make a bad cup of coffee.

Good Fishing.