Flying South at Low Attitude

Hated thoughts of leaving Maine for the South this year. Colors were beautiful, more beautiful and dynamic than in recent memory. Caught the peak in “The County,” then again on “Million Dollar Island” before we had to close camp and catch a big bird south. We’d booked early on Allegiant to secure a couple of exit seats favoring my botched knee replacement of 22 years past. Should have read the latest internet report on Allegiant’s inflight emergency landings. Scary. Would never have booked in the first place.

Arrived at Bangor International early. Flight was 45 minutes late and that’s usual. We check the big suitcase, saunter over to the hotel, have breakfast, kill some time in the book store, boarding call announced, we don’t rush. Booked seats are first row. Inspector gives me the wand and feel job making sure titanium knee harbors no knives or AK-47s, other takes AJ’s carry-on apart looking for grenades amongst the carefully packed jewelry items and we go through final boarding questions. Not a problem except inspector had unbalanced her bag, putting all the jewelry in one corner. This is today’s world of travel and airlines have finally responded.

So began the fun. Carry-ons, 25lbs each, had to go in the overhead bins. Stewardess offered to help but being the chivalrous idiot I am, I allowed I’d swing it up and slide the bag into the 20" remaining slot. First strike. Bag slips, lands on the guy in aisle seat below. I apologized profusely, stewardess starts yelling that bag is “too heavy” then helps on the successful second try. I apologized again, said my shoulders were paining, grabbed my bag, same weight, and slid that into another available overhead and went forward again to sit down. Next strike, this “attendant” clad in blue jeans and western shirt says in a rather loud voice (I guess so the people in back of plane would know who was in control) “You have to move.”

AJ, politely replies “Why? We paid extra for these seats and my husband has a bad knee. He wants the extra room.”

Ms. Attila’s voice runs up a couple of octaves, approaching scream status “I said you have to move. And you have to move now!! Your husband says he’s got troubles with his shoulders. He won’t be able to open the door in an emergency. Now get up and go to the back!!”

I start to respond. Last two weeks at the pond, I’d been felling some pretty decent trees, one in the 30", 50' spruce variety and splitting others of Yellow Birch, same size, from last year cutting. This as well as doing regular exercises and 50 pushups every morning. But Miss Attila gives no ground and screams at the top of her level, like panicsville. “I said for you to get out of that seat and go back to those last two seats.” At that instant I had the impression if we didn’t move, the lady would probably take this child and bodily carry him to one those last two seats. There was no reasoning with this one.

I could see AJ, my love who doesn’t take a lot of crap from anyone, wasn’t responding well to any of this, but I said we’d just better do as they asked, plane was being held up and I didn’t want to cause any more delays. All the time Ms. Attila keeps up the screaming “you’ve got to think of the other passengers” as we start walking back. Come to the seats and AJ, shaking, says to me, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this. Can you get me some water?” Which I do, telling her in the meantime, to take one of the aspirin we’ve started carrying.” She’s becoming more anxious by the minute.

Finally, (stewardess in rear of plane has to unpack the water bin) I come back with glass of water but it’s too late. AJ’s shaking. I call for another stewardess, one who at least has some compassion and tell her we’ve got to get off. She starts to apologize, but I tell her it’s too late we’re getting off. Two of us help to steady AJ. Wheelchair and land based attendant arrives and we de-plane. All this time Ms. (maybe “Mrs.” but doubtful) Attila is still yelling.

I said not a word other than to try and help Arletta along with the two nicer attendants who again are keeping up the apologies. Wheelchair arrives, we’re on the ramp, overheads come out, baggage guy comes up, we describe the checked bag, 15-20 minutes pass, checked bag appears, and we go back up ramp to waiting area. Ground attendant keeps apologizing, says in all her fifteen years she’s never seen anyone treated as we were and calls central authority at Allegiant for a full refund. Offered to re-book and my clenched, but again polite reply was, “We wouldn’t be flying Allegiant again.”

Easy to see AJ was a wreck as she says, “What are we going to do now? Cottage is closed up, we have nowhere to go. I can’t fly now after that treatment.”

“We’ll drive. We’ll go down to car rentals and see what’s available. Give us a chance to catch some normal breathing. See what’s available.”

First few companies have no vehicles. Then, I spot this 8"x12" poster taped to a pole with Enterprise Rentals off premise location and phone number. Ahah. Bulb goes on.

“I need a vehicle to get to Englewood, Florida. And, how much is it going to cost me?” Nice lady replies, “I’ll be right back. Englewood, Florida, right?” Comes back, “Are you sitting down?” Yes. “Seventeen-hundred and 46 dollars” Whoa!! Pictures of a 2300-mile bus trip float by.

“Look,” I reply, “It’s coming on winter, and you folks need vehicles in Florida. Not Maine! Look on your list again and see what’s available and where it’s needed.”

“What airport are you near?”.....Sarasota. 45 minutes!

Few minutes pass. “Are you still sitting down?” …..Yes.... “Bangor to Sarasota Airport $146.00”...Send over the pickup bus!!

On the way over I ask the driver to stop so I can get some ginger ale for AJ, which he does. First hard left, passenger door slides wide open at “op speed” Getting very doubtful planets are in line for this trip. Tune in again next month for the subsequent adventures, Part Two.

There’s one “meal” at Bird Camp we look forward to each year. Actually it’s not just one meal it’s kind of ongoing from the time an oversized ham, after an afternoon of “arrival slowbake,” miraculously appears on the table. Attacked with hunting knives “I’ll just have to have another small piece of that” until final disappearance next day each morsel is relished. Home, a memorable “meal” would be served on special holidays accompanied by various and sundry dishes. This relish can be served over a pound cake or alongside a juicy piece of salty ham.

• R E C I P E •

APPLE RAISIN RELISH
2 c sugar
1 c chopped dried apricots
1 c golden raisins
½ c slivered almonds, toasted
¼ c white vinegar
2 T grated orange rind
4 Granny Smith apples, peeled and chopped

Bring all ingredients to a boil in a large saucepan, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring frequently, 20-25 minutes until apples are tender and mixture has thickened. Serve warm or cool. (from Dottie B. Miller in Jonesborough, Tenn.)

Fair Winds and Good Roads
– Lee Wilbur