Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Captain East,
This request is probably not your usual, but I thought you might possibly have a solution. Out here on our island we have a terrible time with raccoons. They get into the gardens, knock down our tied garbage cans, keep us awake at night fighting. They’re worse than a nuisance and some of them look really scroungy. Any ideas?
Signed, Raccoon Embattled

Dear Raccoon Embattled,
My sympathy to you. We have had the same problem in two places we lived and Rabies is always a lurking problem. An older fisherman gave me the only solution that’s ever worked well. He rigged a strategic, two roller, clothes line over the garbage line with a bell attached and a bait bag where he’d put lobster bait or any kind of stinky lure. He’d have a spotlight with an indoor switch by the window and a .22 rifle at the ready. Raccoons would hit the bait bag, ring the bell, he’d quietly open the window, switch on the light and nail them with the .22. On one occasion I forgot to put my glasses on. Couldn’t see a thing. Coons won that night.

Dear East,
Is that your real name? I live on the Coast of Maine and I’ve noticed that where I used to dig for clams in the mud there are very few left and very small. Looks like a lot more worms too. Do you know what’s going on?
Signed, Muddy Clammer

Dear Muddy Clammer,
I’m not a scientist. Never was much on biology either, but a good friend of mine who “clams” for a living tells me the mud in some areas has become infested with what he calls flat or ribbon worms that suck into the clams and get up to 4' long. He often pulls them out, swings them around like a lariat and throws them to the gulls.