Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Capt. Mark East,
One of my dearest fishing buddies with whom I’ve shared a lot of water with over the years, (we’re both in our 80’s) continues to smoke both cigars and cigarettes. I’m not really worried about his health, although he is beginning to slow down a bit, but I am worried about our safety. We usually fish with his skiff and an old 10hp double hose Evinrude motor which is prone to leak gas. I’m afraid we’re going to blow up someday.
Signed, Sitting in a bomb

Dear Sitting in a Bomb,
Old habits die hard and at your age they’re real hard. However, I’d suggest a frank discussion. Who else will he find with the shared memories?? Suggest at least taking the motor to an outboard mechanic and having them install a fuel pump on the motor so he can use a single hose. At least you’ll get less gas leakage. Buy a long hose and place the tank amidship. Nothing like a good cigar!!

Dear Captain Mark,
One of my dreams has been to go pig hunting in the south. My wife thinks it’s too dangerous because I’m older, ninety-one, but I’ve been bow hunting since I was much younger. I broke my leg a few years ago and it never healed well so I limp, but I can still hit a bulls-eye at 25 yards. I don’t want to give up.
Signed, Pig Dreamer

Dear Pig Dreamer,
Never give up a dream. I understand your wife’s concern, especially about the arrow launching part where you guys like to be in the game’s face before pulling the “trigger.” There’s a great bunch of guys who make up the Sarasota Fish and Game Club in Sarasota, Florida, who would probably enjoy shepherding you on a hunt. Florida is crawling with wild pigs, which are a real nuisance. Give them a call.