Dear Capt. Mark:
Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Capt. Mark,
I live in northern Vermont and snowmobiling is my real passion. My wife doesn't like to go, but she quilts so doesn't give me a hard time. Problem is I also have an addiction to owning the sleds and have 63 of them hidden around town as well as two here at the farm. What do I say if she finds out?
Signed,
Oversledded

Dear Oversledded,
I’d say you are either awfully wealthy or quite poor. My suggestion might also be that you are ahead of your time. Look at the old car museums. Did anyone ever think that an AMC “Pacer” would ever be worth money putting it on display? Tell your wife you're going to start a snowmobile museum with her quilts as a backdrop. Make sure you have ITS access and in your doting years you can sit by the woodstove and collect big bucks.

 

Dear Capt. Mark,
I run an airboat service out of the everglades and business has become very competitive. I need to find something to set my operation apart from everyone else. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Airboats Down

Dear Airboats Down,
I think you should rig up a cage on your airboats and carry a “pet alligator” with you. Better yet, if you could train it to steer the airboat even for a short distance, you’d be way ahead of the competition. I can foresee national coverage, even Oprah, for your business.

Write: capmarke@gmail.com