Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Cap East,
I bought a used Bass Boat this past spring with a 120 hp motor and a trolling motor mounted on the bow. My wife wasn’t too happy with me. She said we should have replaced her 1994 Honda Accord first. I promised her we'd catch more fish. She wasn’t impressed because I haven’t caught as many. But it really is fast.
Signed, In The Fishhouse

Dear In The Fishhouse,
Guess you’ve got one of those rigs where guys race from one spot to another then launch the electric motor off the bow. I fished bass this summer with a college professor who had an ancient 8 hp Johnson motor on a beat up tin boat, and we hit the sometimes hot spots, though much slower than you. Caught more fish than I thought the lake could produce. Perhaps you should trade for the same and a newer Honda for the bride.

Mister Captain Mark,
My husband and I have two very close friends, a couple whose company we enjoy individually. However, when we are invited for dinner I have started trying for an excuse not to go. (I’m going to call him) Ed always wants to show off his latest fishing expedition pictures on a screen. Sometimes it lasts over an hour and sometimes he repeats one we’ve had to endure before. Picture after picture of fish!!! Any suggestions??
Signed, Fish Fried

Dear Fish Fried,
In a few weeks, when you’ve had time to prepare, and if these are good friends as you say, find every picture of your children, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc you can to make up DVDs at your local photo drug store. Space out the DVD timing and have your friends for dinner. Perhaps let the female half in on the joke. Bet it won’t happen again. If it does, just say you brought another relative show-and-tell with you and perhaps he’d like to see it as well...Good luck.