Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Captain Mark,
My husband and I are avid scuba divers and spear fishermen when allowed. This fall we were in the Bahamas doing what we like best when we were accosted by several American “Greenies.” It started to get physical but we turned away and left. One threw a beer can and hit my husband on his back. They said we were destroying the fish population. I was scared. What’s with these people? Caribbeans do this for a living.
Signed, Greenie Scared

Dear Greenie Scared,
Poor these days when lovers of the outdoors as you two surely are cannot peacefully pursue your own enjoyment. Next time, take one by the ear and ask it who the true guardians of nature really are. The sportsmen. Look what Ducks Unlimited, Trout Unlimited, Atlantic Salmon Commission and others have accomplished.

Dear Mr. Captain,
Our club just returned from a kayak trip in the Everglades over Thanksgiving. There were four couples and we camped and paddled for 5 days. It was very interesting, but the last two days one of the girls was constantly nagging her boyfriend. Finally he tipped her kayak over and some of our supplies were ruined. I think this was uncalled for on a trip like this.
Signed Tripper Disappointed

Dear Tripper Disappointed,
Next time make sure all your supplies are in water-locked trip bags.